Brutal honesty {with myself}

Challenge, upset, disappointment, trial, failure, bump in the road, obstacle, bad decision, struggle.

 I have asked myself ... am I being punished, tested, loved, disciplined or just being dealt a bad hand?
So much pain, so much sadness, why is this so hard, why does it have to hurt so bad?

But behind each picture, each positive platitude I told my kids, were these hidden thoughts......

{What should I have done different? I must be a bad mom}

{I can't afford a new lense, I'm so clumsy. If only I was a better photographer}

{I should have said so much more while I had the chance} 

{how could I not notice how sick she was? Maybe I'm not cut out to be a mom}

{This is not what I signed up for. why now,  I'm not strong enough for all this}

{This is the last straw.....unbelievable!}

{what did I hit?}

 {3rd flat in 2 weeks?!! You MUST be kidding me!I give up}

{I can't believe we are leaving...will I ever have a place to call home again...}

I have a WHAT? This can't be happening.... but I was just learning to smile again! (and mean it)

{helpless, hopeless, nothing is within my control}

{I am so thankful to be alive}

These last two years have been a roller coaster of ups and downs, highs and very low lows. And it was not until this major health issue arose did I even realize what my greatest battle has been..... 

my own mind. 

Learning to love myself when I feel like I have failed, let someone down, disappointed myself, or been unable physically, mentally, financially or emotionally to provide what someone needed. 

I want to be strong, I want to be true to myself, I want to be successful, I want to be brave. And most of all - I want to LOVE unabashedly, faithfully, and learn to SEE others at their deepest place. 

 But the truth is...I fall and beat myself up, and cry and say awful things to myself about myself, 

I am unkind and often angry because I don't measure up to my own expectations. 

I am not there yet. In fact, its still quite a struggle. 

But today I am deciding to be more gentle with myself, 

and maybe someday, I will be able to say with all honesty.... 

17 years in 7 minutes

Graduation and Tears

Today is her last day as a High School student........

In 3 days she will walk across a podium and receive her diploma......

And I have cried for the last two days.

I never dreamed letting go would be so hard. .

I am so very proud of you my dear. You have been my buddy, babysitter, confidant and best friend. I cannot imagine going through all these years without your smile to light up the room or my heart. Thank you for being who you are!

Master Bedroom Makeover

Another School year

Summer is over and another school year has begun....

The end.

Twigs & other peoples trash

I bought these posts for $1 at a yard sale...

 And these dishes for $2 at an auction...

Change. . .

Our little family is changing.

 Change is part of life, I totally get that.

 But some change is harder than others. And most change has pain involved. 

This time will not be without pain. 

Office Chair makeover

Remember this lamp and chair I bought from a yard sale last year. I did a little revamp of the lamp, and the chair was about to get a makeover as well. 

I started by unassembling the back and seat cushions so I could paint the exposed wood.

Life, Loss and Healing

Life has a way of changing us.
Changing our minds,
changing our beliefs,
changing our circumstances,
changing our perspectives.
But most of all...changing our hearts.

Time is a funny thing.

Remember when you were a kid and waiting for Christmas was a lifetime away. Now it feels like time is passing at light speed.


I have tried to write about the events of the last month over and over again.
But every time I started, my mind just got flooded with so much emotion that my hands could not type fast enough.
So please forgive me if none of this makes sense.


When I was growing up I did not understand my dad. In fact, if I'm being honest,  there were many times when I don't think I even liked him. I had my own ideas of what I thought life should look like and in my mind, this was not it.

I have been thinking a lot about scars lately.

I have a scar on my knee from Kindergarten. Its actually a memory that makes me smile.I won't tell you what year, but I will tell you where. We lived in Pierce City, MO. and I was being chased by a boy. But not just any boy, a boy I liked! And then I fell on a rock. What I have left from that fall is a memory and a scar that I have stared at most of my life.

Smithsonian National Zoo

Sunday was such a beautiful day. The birds were singing, the trees were blooming and ALL the animals at the National Zoo had come out to play. So we decided to take a sunday drive and say hello. 

And did you know that the entrance fee into the National Zoo is FREE!

I know...right! Pretty crazy.... 

Prayer. . . .in the form of Song

Wish it could be easy

Why is life so messy
Why is pain a part of us
There are days I feel like
Nothing ever goes right
Sometimes it just hurts so much

But You're here
You're real
I know I can trust You

Even when it hurts
Even when it's hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to You
Cause I know that You are

Lover of my soul
Healer of my scars
You steady my heart (x2)

I'm not gonna worry
I know that You got me
Right inside the palm of your hand
Each and every moment
What's good and what gets broken
Happens just the way that You plan

And I will run to You
You're my refuge in Your arms
And I will sing to You
Cause of everything You are

You steady my heart (x2) 

Paper & a Deck of Cards

I saw this wonderful idea for a Valentines day gift on Pinterest called "52 reason why I love you". Using a deck of cards you put one reason on each card. But it was just words. I am such a visual person that words alone were WAY to boring for me. So beginning in January I started gathering ideas of what I wanted to use to help illustrate each of the 52 reasons why I loved GT. But as usual, time FLEW by and other projects took priority. ie. . .100 days of school, Valentine boxes for kids, Sonja coming for my birthday, MY Birthday....you get the picture. 

So ON VALENTINES day morning I got up and brushed my teeth went downstairs and got coffee, and started what I thought would take me 3 or 4 hrs to assemble. 

Kids got home from school and I was only on #25

GT came home from work around 8:30 and I still had 4 more to finish. . .

13 hrs later I was finally done.

I gave it to GT unwrapped and with out much explanation, except that I was still in my PJs because I was thinking of him ALL DAY long while making his gift! 

As he started going through each card and tears were rolling down his face, I knew he did not really care that nothing else had been done that day.  And I no longer feel guilty that I was a mess. 

Here is the finished project. And if your counting. . .there are several I left out. Some were just inside jokes that would not have made sense, and some that were just personal.

My $15 settee

I bought this cute little settee and a yard sale last October. The previous owners were using it as a dog bed. So after I did my best to clean it up, it was time for new life! 

(some of these photos were taken with my phone so the color is off a bit)

I used chalk paint for the wood, and painters canvas from Lowes for the fabric.

Ready....here we go

Repurposed, re-Loved!

I am inspired by many things.
But I have a special fondness for books. Old books, new books. . ALL kinds of books. I love turning a page and not knowing whether I will laugh, cry, be encouraged or convicted.
This was a gift I made for someone dear to me. I have made altered book projects before, but never one like this. I wanted it to be a more than just words in a book.
I wanted it to be a visual feast!
 I started with some of my favorite inspirations and my favorite quote and took the cover off an old book.
Next I fashioned 4 pages from cardboard

 

 The first page is Do Brave Things. As with most of my paper projects, I have a basic idea or feeling for the layout. But as I start playing with the paper and bits of ephemera, it takes on a life of its own

Dare to Dream

And something I need to be reminded of often. . . You are Loved

And the last page, Follow your Heart.

I hope you are inspired to find something old and make it new again!

{Balloons and Sunshine}

Last night when we were picking up GT from work he was in the middle of taking down all the balloons off the cars. So naturally the girls wanted to know if they could keep them. With a little negotiating and bribery (lets just say there were many chores involved) the girls convinced GT to let them take them home. 

Then two minutes after we walked in the door from church this afternoon BOTH girls were begging me to grab my camera and do a mini session in the back yard with them and their new balloons. 

I <3 girls!!

How could I refuse! This was the result of todays mini backyard balloon session, ENJOY!

Happy January friends!

Yup....I wrote a Christmas letter

I lost the majority of my address list when my laptop that crashed. 

So I have spent WAY to many hours trying to track down address'. It was getting so close to Christmas I just figured anyone that I could not find would just have to settle for reading our blog. . . . so here is the front and back of both our 

Christmas letter and our Christmas card.  

 {and I apologize if you cannot read the small print, I made it as large as the blog would allow. To make it larger simply hit cmnd and + and it will enlarge your screen}

 Have a blessed Christmas friends!